I keep having dreams with my ex boyfriend Rick appearing in them. I wish I knew why… my heart still loves him but it was a toxic relationship… and he was an alcoholic and we never had sex. All we did was argue and he never gave me any attention… I felt so neglected and also constantly criticized….. anyway it’s been 13 years since we broke up… but he keeps showing up in my dreams alllll the time!! Why?!! In real life I live with my brother… and in the dream my brother and I moved out of our apartment and got temporary hotel rooms at a very fancy place. In the dream I remember being able to float above ground and kind of fly… I kept not being clothed very well in the dream and I had to cover myself with towels and whatever I could find… there was one point in the dream where I visited my brother in his room and then I got lossy trying to find the way back to my room. I was floating across the hallways and different floors of the building… it seemed like there were so many layers to the hotel, as I got more lost, I found floors with restaurants and a gorgeous rainbow water installment that you were allowed to go in and get wet like a sauna or something. It was like a whole floor covered in a water dome that was rainbow colors. While flying and floating around I was trying not to be seen by anyone. I had to go to the customer service people and ask them to help me find my room number. It was room 178 or something like that. I made it back to my room safely. Another part of the dream my brother was hanging out with my ex boyfriend Rick and my friend Jenn’s boyfriend who is in a metal band, and his name is Ricky. My brother had a ton of fun with them and they all got drunk. My brother eventually went back to his room, and Rick showed up in MY room like he was waiting for me… and in the dream we hadn’t been together in years either. It was like it was going to be the first time seeing him… but he was there waiting and it felt like no time had passed. I was nervous and found some random strange piece of clothing in my room and I tried it on. It didn’t fit well at all and I still had to try to cover up my boobs… I covered myself in a towel. We were sitting on the couch together at one point and he said he smelled something bad so I went and tried to find perfume to put on. In the dream I hadn’t showered yet and felt really awkward that he was there, and I was trying to tell myself that I was not going to have sex with him. It came time for bed and he was walking to the bedroom with me and I was trying to catch him up on my life, telling him about my real life injuries I got - a torn hip ligament, glute and SI joint tendon tears, from doing a workout class… and me being in bed trying to recover for a year and a half. I wasn’t walking with a cane in my dream and I was trying to explain to him that I usually walk with a cane and this was rare to be walking without one. I he got into the bed, and I saw in a mirror across from the bed how terrible the outfit I had on looked, so I had to take it off. In the mirror I saw my body and did not like the way it looked without clothes… then I got into bed with him and I woke up.
Your dream holds a fascinating collection of emotions, memories, and subconscious symbolism, interweaving your past with your current life circumstances. While dream interpretation is subjective and personal, here is an analysis of the elements you described:
Recurring Appearance of Rick: Your ex-boyfriend Rick represents unresolved emotions and memories. It's understandable you dream about him given your history and the emotional impact he had on your life. The complexity of loving yet having a toxic relationship with someone can leave lingering effects on the subconscious mind. The 13-year gap since your breakup might also symbolize a period of reflection, where your mind seeks closure or understanding of that chapter of your life.
Living at a Hotel with Your Brother: The fancy hotel symbolizes a temporary state of transition or change in your life or mindset. It suggests a move away from familiar or perhaps a desire for something new or exciting. You and your brother together in this setting imply a foundation or family support that you cherish and lean on.
Floating and Flying: These elements are often associated with a sense of freedom, release, or, sometimes, vulnerability. Your ability to fly might suggest your desire to rise above current or past challenges, to transcend hardships, yet it could also point to a feeling of being exposed or ungrounded, as evidenced by your lack of clothing.
Lack of Clothing and Covering with Towels: Clothing in dreams often links to self-perception and vulnerability. You covering yourself with towels may symbolize a feeling of exposure or insecurity, wanting to obscure parts of yourself you feel are not presentable. It's also a metaphor for how you might feel about being "unprepared" emotionally when facing aspects of your past, like your ex.
Getting Lost and Finding Your Way Back: This represents feeling lost or unsure in life, but the consistent finding of your room symbolizes resilience and the ability to return to yourself, to safety, and to clarity when needed.
Rainbow Water Installation: Water signifies emotions and the rainbow colors suggest diversity and wholeness of emotional experience. This part of the dream could be indicating your journey through various emotional stages, encompassing both the highs and lows you’ve encountered in your life.
Brother with Rick and Ricky: This connection highlights themes of past and present relationships, companionship, and confrontation with the past. Your brother's interaction with Rick could represent familial acceptance or personal reconciliation of past issues.
: Rick's presence in your room and waiting for you mirrors unresolved emotions, possibly touching on themes of forgiveness or acceptance—of him, the relationship, or parts of yourself shaped by that relationship.
Awkwardness and Self-Consciousness: Your hesitation to show your true self to Rick symbolizes internal conflict between who you feel you were then and who you are now. The outfit not fitting, covering with towels, and worrying about body image signify vulnerability and ongoing self-acceptance challenges.
Sharing Personal Injuries: Explaining your real-life injuries to Rick suggests a need or desire to share your authentic self, even the painful parts. It's about being honest about your struggles, seeking empathy, or wishing to be understood by someone who represented a significant part of your past.
Final Mirror Reflection: The act of seeing yourself and your discomfort with your appearance suggests a deeper self-reflection journey, where you are perhaps trying to reconcile your own self-image and personal growth since the relationship ended.
Overall, your dream reflects a deep, ongoing process of healing and self-discovery, balancing past love and pain, vulnerability, and the quest for personal empowerment and acceptance. It indicates that while you confront and process these aspects, you're working toward an inner peace and an understanding of yourself and your past relationships.